Rejection

(Outline for the video-link below)

Root Causes of Rejection

The cause can either be perceived or real. It doesn’t matter which because the effects can be just as devastating either way.

List of Possible Root Causes:

(This is not an exhaustive list.)

Negative words spoken over us by others: The words could involve truth or lies, but the way it is presented is what can cause a root of rejection to take hold.

Attitudes of others toward us: It does not even take spoken words to make us feel rejected. Sometimes it is the rolling of eyes, the silent treatment, and other negative attitudes.

Being left out, overlooked: This could include any area of life including family, significant other, work, church, school, etc.  

Unanswered prayer: Feeling like God is not listening to us or answering our prayers can lead to feelings of rejection.

Parents/home of origin:  

            Lack of love: perceived or real

                        Example, parents who did not have the ability to show love.  

            Not wanted-rejected by one or both parents

                        Example: unwanted during pregnancy

            Divorce: one parent leaves and may not be available

            Lack: shelter, food, clothing

                        Not having the same clothes as the other kids in school, looking different

                        Feeling like a burden on the family

            Parents with their own deep wounds

            Parents with physical or mental illness

Adoption: Even if the new home is kind and loving a root of rejection can attach to the child who was put up for adoption.

            Sibling being favored: perceived or real (same result)

            Ridiculed or shamed by family member, peers, coworkers, etc.

            Harsh parenting: never able to do anything right

Rejected by peers

            Being or feeling different

            Never picked for games, parties, or groups

            Bullied, made fun of

            Left out

Workplace

            Passed over for promotion

            Don’t fit in with the other workers

            Never asked out to lunch with the group

            Talked about, gossip

            Bullied

            Ridiculed or shamed

Church

            Left out of the cliches

            Passed over for ministry

            Ridiculed or shamed

            Being told you never do anything right

Divorce and other Broken relationships

            Broken trust

            Betrayal

            Rejected by the one you love

Abuse: physical, sexual, or emotional

            As an adult and/or child

Proverbs 15:13 A heart full of joy and goodness makes a cheerful face, But when a heart is full of sadness the spirit is crushed.

Rejection can create very deep wounds, pain, and hurt. It can last a lifetime if not dealt with fully.  

Symptoms and Effects of Rejection

Feeling unwanted, unheard, and unloved by God and/or others

Something wrong with you

            Self-Rejection: self-hatred

            Feeling different, ugly, unloved

Bad, dirty, unworthy, shame, guilt, condemnation

Betrayal: Because you felt betrayed by others you may have created inner vows because you feel like you cannot or will not ever trust others again. This can lead to building huge walls so no one can get close, not even God.

Examples of possible inner vows: I will never trust anyone again, I will never be good enough, God does not hear me and He will never answer my prayers, I will never fit in so I am going to stop trying, no one could ever love me if they knew the real me, I will never be wanted so I will never try to make friendships/relationships, etc.

Viewing others through the lens of rejection

Putting out the expectation of being rejected and then being rejected

            Self-fulfilling prophecy

            Reinforces the rejection

Inability to receive or give love (even from God)

Aggression: because you refuse to let anyone have the chance to hurt you

If you were not wanted at birth, word curses were spoken over your life, or you have experienced any kind of rejection it could have opened a door to a demon that is working to reinforce the feelings of being rejected.

We can create a cycle of rejection that we pass out to our children. We must break that cycle.

It often looks like this: Rejection-loneliness-self-pity-misery-depression-despair or hopelessness-suicide or death by other causes

Overcoming Rejection

Step One: recognize/acknowledge and deal with the root cause

Rejection can be the root of many other issues so it may be a little hard to figure out what is going on.  

            Always go after the root                    

            Ask God to show you where rejection very first entered: how, when, and where

            This step may be painful

Ask Him to remove the rejection (and other negative emotions)-totally uproot them and replace them with His healing

Step Two: Acceptance of God’s love and salvation

Jesus took our place:

Hebrews 2:9 But we do see Jesus, who was made lower than the angels for a little while [by taking on the limitations of humanity], crowned with glory and honor because of His suffering of death, so that by the grace of God [extended to sinners] He might experience death for [the sins of] everyone.

He took our shame and rejection.

Hebrews 12:2 [looking away from all that will distract us and] focusing our eyes on Jesus, who is the Author and Perfecter of faith [the first incentive for our belief and the One who brings our faith to maturity], who for the joy [of accomplishing the goal] set before Him endured the cross, disregarding the shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God [revealing His deity, His authority, and the completion of His work].

Isaiah 50:6 I turned My back to those who strike Me, And My cheeks to those who pluck out the beard; I did not hide My face from insults and spitting.

Isaiah 53:3 He was despised and rejected by men, A Man of sorrows and pain and acquainted with grief; And like One from whom men hide their faces He was despised, and we did not appreciate His worth or esteem Him.

He knows what it is like to feel brokenhearted.

Psalm 69:20-21 Reproach and insults have broken my heart and I am so sick.
I looked for sympathy, but there was none, And for comforters, but I found none. They (self-righteous hypocrites) also gave me gall [poisonous and bitter] for my food,
And for my thirst they gave me vinegar to drink.

When we fully accept His gift of salvation, healing, and deliverance we can be released from shame and rejection.  He made the exchange on the cross. We hand Him our rejection and He hands us His acceptance.

Ephesians 1:6 to the praise of His glorious grace and favor, which He so freely bestowed on us in the Beloved [His Son, Jesus Christ].

Coming into the full understanding that Jesus took our rejection upon Himself so we can be free and accepted by God is life changing.

When we fully understand that we are accepted by God, we will never need or seek the acceptance of others again.

Step Three: God’s healing

Starts with forgiving those who have hurt you, as well as yourself

            Stop keeping a running tab on hurts

            Totally release the people who have hurt you to God

            Ask Him to remove the pain and replace it with His healing

Step Four: Deliverance: spirit of rejection

Command it and any others to go in the name of Jesus  (this can take some force and time)

Step Five: Identity in Christ

            Walk in the fruit of the Spirit not the fruit of the hurt

            Accept who He created you to be

            Discover (with Him) who He created you to be

            Break identity and agreement with the rejection

Blessings,

Nichole Henson, Fullness of Joy Ministry