There are days and seasons we will FEEL that overwhelming love for our spouse. Everything they do and say is cute, we are more physically attracted to them, and we cannot wait to spend time with them. There will also be days and seasons that we do not FEEL it. We may be aggravated with, just irritable ourselves, or we may be going through a season where we just do not see eye to eye on something so it causes our feelings to be somewhat grumpy toward them. That is why we must choose to love each other on a daily basis. Love is a choice and not based on a feelings or emotions. When we base our love on feelings we can easily walk away because we just don’t “love them anymore”. We put far to much emphasis on our feelings and feeling “in” love. I think this is a huge reason why there are so many divorces.

According to the Bible Love is:

1 Corinthians 13:4-13

Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant. It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured. It does not rejoice at injustice, but rejoices with the truth [when right and truth prevail]. Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], endures all things [without weakening].

Love never fails [it never fades nor ends]. But as for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for the gift of special knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part [for our knowledge is fragmentary and incomplete]. But when that which is complete and perfect comes, that which is incomplete and partial will pass away. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things. For now [in this time of imperfection] we see in a mirror dimly [a blurred reflection, a riddle, an enigma], but then [when the time of perfection comes we will see reality] face to face. Now I know in part [just in fragments], but then I will know fully, just as I have been fully known [by God]. And now there remain: faith [abiding trust in God and His promises], hope [confident expectation of eternal salvation], love [unselfish love for others growing out of God’s love for me], these three [the choicest graces]; but the greatest of these is love.

If the love we show our spouse is not the same type of love in this scripture we have some work to do. The first step is asking God for His help to show us where are falling short, to help us change, and to show us how to change.

We also need to be aware we have an enemy (demons) that hates our marriage. They want nothing more than to kill, steal, and destroy our relationships. They often whisper lies about our spouse and point out their short comings in order to get us looking at all the ways we want them to change and even how they do not measure up to others. We can easily become dissatisfied and if we are not careful the enemy can point us in the direction of divorce or even try to push us into the arms of someone else.

Video Link: https://youtu.be/eRECX1Iq-nU?si=MCgzxb_HkdCfxbcm

Many times we can so easily see how much our spouse needs to change and grow. We can even begin to “help” them change because we “know” just what they need. We can spend a lot of time trying to help them and even praying prayers for the areas they need to change. We may pray for who they need to be and what God needs to do in them, but if we are not careful our prayers can be from a place of manipulation and for what we think they need to be.

There is only one problem with this….we were not created to change others. There is only One who can change us and others. When we try to do things we were not created for it leads to feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and discouraged because we feel like we are failing. We take on jobs and responsibilities that were never ours to take on.

We only have one job and that is to fully surrender and submit to God. When He says to do or say something our answer is yes. He can use our words to touch the hearts of others, send encouragement to them, convict them, spark hope, and teach them, but the words must be from Him every time. He is our Creator and He knows what each one of us needs and exactly when we need it. When we try to change others all we do is get in His way. We need to be listening to His voice and following His lead and not telling Him what others need. Who better to know the needs of others than Him, their Creator! We can pray, “Lord, Your will be done in their life, draw them to You, move in their heart to make them look more like You, and please help them walk in the identity You have given them.”

There are times we can get so focused on others that we forget how much we need to change. Our job is to surrender to Him so we can look and act more like Him. As we begin to fully surrender to Him we are changed from the inside out. The old is stripped away and we are made new in Him. We begin to look like Him, and sound like Him. When we get to that place He can use us to flow through and touch others. There are no short cuts to being used by Him and nothing replaces a surrendered life in Him.

I will be teaching a four part workshop on Christian marriage starting June 6th-27th on Facebook. The topics will include communication, Biblical roles, parenting, unity/being on the same page, and spiritual warfare. I will be sharing a weekly teaching video (either live or pre-recorded), posting handouts, posting activities, and providing time to answer questions.

All participants will need to join the group I created for the workshop.

Group Link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/7228233570577122

Please feel free to invite others to the workshop.

Link for the Facebook Event: https://fb.me/e/6HfCMHEoA

Blessings,

Nichole Henson

Fullness of Joy Ministry