This testimony was submitted to be shared anonymously.

I want to share my testimony in the hopes that others who have went through what I went through will find freedom like I did. When I was 8 years old a male neighbor started grooming me for sexual abuse. After about 2 weeks or so he started to touch me and have me touch him in a sexual manner. I was told by him to not tell anyone because they would think I was dirty and blame for it happening. This abuse went on several times a week until I was 12 years old.

When I was around 9 years old, about a year after the abuse started, I began to sexually enjoy the abuse because it physically felt good to me and I was being rewarded by him with little gifts and other things to keep me coming back.

I was confused about my sexuality because this was the only thing I knew at that time and it was my first introduction to sex. Because of the abuse I became a homosexual. For years I thought I was born that way and that was just how it was going to be. I kept my same sex attraction a secret because I didn’t want anyone to know. This was in the 80’s and back then people like me would get beat up for homosexual lifestyle choices.

In the summer of 1984 I met someone that turned into a 3 1/2 year homosexual relationship. I had a girlfriend but she was just to cover for my homosexuality that I felt no one could know about. I never had an interest in girls and I would have to fantasize about men when I was with girls.

After I graduated high school I joined the army in November of 1987 to try and run from homosexuality because I knew I didn’t want those feelings, but at the same time I enjoyed them.

I quickly found out that you can’t run from your demons. While in Germany I had a one time sexual encounter with a man that I met in a club. When I got out of the Army I met my first wife. I think I was out for about six months or so when I met her. We got married, not because I wanted to be with a woman, but because I was still trying to hide who I thought I was. We were married for over 9 years and it was a very toxic marriage on both sides. We started going to church in 1996 and I got saved in October of that year. I would still fantasize about men because I had no attraction to women. I never wanted to be with her. I wanted to be with a man, but couldn’t because of my fear of what people would think. I also felt like I would have been disowned by my family as well.

After my divorce I started going to another church. At that time I started actually enjoying the company of women and I met my wife that I am married to today. I would love to say that it has been great, but about six months into the marriage those demons came back. They pretty much said “why are you with a woman you know you are gay.” Then I would masturbate and think of men. That behavior fully opened the door, that was partially closed, to demons of lust and homosexuality. I had to think of men again when I was with my wife. She knew about my past, but not my whole past. She thought that I used to be bisexual, not that it mattered because sexual sin is sin regardless of the type it is. She also had no idea that I continued to struggle with same sex attraction.

Around 2018-2019 I went to see a inner healing prayer minister, and she told me that I needed to be honest with my wife and tell her everything. I told my wife and I let her know that I wasn’t attracted to women at all. I told her that I was gay and that I had been fantasizing about men for years. I think she probably suspected, but she was still in disbelief. At that time our marriage was anything but a marriage. We were pretty much just roommates.

In 2020 I went through deliverance and I was set 100% free from all same sex attraction. It was around July of 2020 that I went through deliverance and was set free from homosexuality and several other things.

While I am walking in total freedom I do want to make it clear that those demons attempt to try and find an open door to my life to get back in and they also sometimes attack me in my sleep through same sex dreams. But as soon as it happens I verbally command them to leave and I pray. I have even heard them tell me to give in because I am gay. When that happens I refuse/reject their lies, verbally command them go in the name of Jesus, and move on. I am not gay and I will never accept their lies. They want me to come into agreement with who they want me to be, and not who God created me to be. The same sex attraction is 100% gone and it will never be allowed to come back into my life. Those doors will remain closed.

I know I am set free and I don’t even look at men in a sexual way any longer, but anytime demons are cast out of a person they will always try to get back into the person that was set free. It is spiritual warfare and they do not give up, but we can walk in victory through Jesus Christ.

I just wanted to let whoever needs to hear this know there is complete freedom if you really want it. It isn’t easy, but nothing in life is easy. You will have to put your work in, but the reward is the greatest.

If you are struggling, like I did for 41 years, and want freedom please read Nichole Henson’s books on the steps to deliverance and how to walk in freedom. I shared my testimony anonymously, but Nichole has my contact info. If you need or want prayer please feel free to contact her for help and/or to have her put you in contact with me.

Also, I everyone to know that I have fully forgiven my abuser. That is so important if you want deliverance from anything. You have to make sure you have forgiven those who have hurt you. You have to be willing to close doors to demons and be ready for God to heal your wounds. Opening old memories that you try to forger or suppress can be hard, but please choose to work through it. Once you are on the other side you will have a whole new look at everything.

I was also delivered from demons that were causing fear of the dark, PTSD, OCD, and fear of a lot of other things. I allowed demons of fear to come in through horror movies and messing with an ouija board when I was younger.

I continue to deal with fear of rejection and at times what people may think of me. I hate public speaking and being the center of attention, but God will get me through that as well. I just have to go to Him for it, but I haven’t because of the fear of people thinking badly. I am still a work in progress.

Thank you for reading my testimony and allowing me to share a little bit about me and I hope you find it helpful and that it gives you strength to deal with wherever it is you are dealing with.

The below portion is written by Nichole Henson

If you need help please feel free to message me at: fullnessofjoyministry@gmail.com

If you want to learn more about deliverance you can find two of my books on Amazon:

Self-Deliverance Workbook Practical Steps to Casting Out Demons and Walking in Freedom

Link: https://a.co/d/524pgjf

Deliverance and Spiritual Warfare Training: Breaking Free From Demonic Strongholds

Link: https://a.co/d/b9HpCkb

This is our ministry Youtube link where you can find tons of helpful videos on various topics: https://www.youtube.com/@nicholehenson9579/videos

Blessings,

Nichole Henson

Fullness of Joy Ministry