Lately I have been thinking about all I have lived through. Not that I have been through more than others. Many of us have faced extreme trauma. Trauma is trauma and I would never minimize the experience of others.

I think for most of my life I have minimized the abuses that I have walked through in my past. It made it easier in many ways and became one of my go-to coping skills. It made it less real and “not a big deal”. About a year ago I started sharing my testimony, a lot, on various platform as a guest speaker. I would often notice the reaction of the hosts when I would talk about my past. One asked me how I lived through what I went through. If I remember correctly I think I said something along the lines of what other choice did I have. If I did not choose to live the alternative was death.

The question he asked me has stayed with me for several months. I think a big part of my healing journey has been to break free from the abuse to the point of distancing myself from it. Which is good because I needed to break identity with it. The abuse used to define me and that had to break, but I also feel like the Lord has been reminding me to acknowledge the extent of abuse I lived through without minimizing it. Be honest with it, sit with it, and allow myself to say I walked through things that could have literally killed me if not for His grace and His hand on my life. Even on the darkest of days He was there. Not because those days were not pitch black-so dark I could not even see my hand in front of my face, but because He is God and He would not let the enemy take my life.

I guess I am saying all of this to say. We can sit with out past, acknowledge it, and yet still not let it control us. My past is my past. I can speak to the severity of how traumatic the events I went through were, and yet still be fully healed and free. One does not cancel out the other. There is a huge difference between being stuck in our trauma and acknowledging it. When I speak about it now it no longer has the pain attached to it that it used to. It no longer controls me, but is a huge part of my testimony and there was a mourning process that I had to go through because of the many things I lost due to the abuse. I had to honor the fact that it was hard, painful, and hard to get through and then I had to move on. I did great with the moving on part, but the Lord had me pause, mourn, acknowledge, honor, and then move on. If any of the process is missing, at least for me, the healing is not fully complete.

We do heal and we do get free, but it is a process that can only be done by and with God. Abuse does not have to control us for the rest of our lives. There is freedom through Jesus Christ. We really can be who God created us to be and not who the demons tried to make us be as a result of the abuse.

Blessings,

Nichole Henson

Fullness of Joy Ministry

Contact Information: Fullnessofjoyministry@gmail.com