Ronnie (my husband) and I headed to Tennessee on December the 4th because he had one more vacation we needed to get in before the end of they and we both love the mountains. Another huge plus is my parents live there so we get to see them and also enjoy being in the mountains at the same time. It is a my all time favorite vacation spot.

The drive takes about 13-13.5 hours by the time we add in stops for gas, food, and potty breaks. I have a long history of some chronic back pain, but it has been so much better the passed few years. However, when I travel for long distances I do get some minor back pain and stiffness. When we got there it took me about a day to rest up and then I was ready to enjoy the week. On Friday we went for a river walk in Pigeon Forge and I started having some back spams. I just thought it was from the long drive, driving back and forth to Pigeon Forge, taking a walk up a huge hill in Cades Cove, and maybe sitting in a twisted position. I didn’t think much about it and we headed back home on Sunday. I noticed that I was feeling really tired and my back continued to be sore and just didn’t feel right.

As I went into Monday/Tuesday I was hit really hard with extreme pain in my back. At that time I had no idea what was going on, but I do know it had a spiritual battle element attached to it. The demons always notice when we are down and they come running to kick us even if they are not the cause of the original battle. They may or may not be the original cause, but it doesn’t matter to them. They watch us and know when we are weak and facing difficult situations.

I heard the enemy gloating and saying, “why isn’t your God healing you?” The question was meant to bring doubt and to create a wall between God and me. That is always the goal of the demons-to separate us from God.

I spent time in prayer each day and I also verbally praised the Lord. I wanted the enemy to hear me praising my God no matter what the situation looked like.

I went to the Urgent Care on Wednesday and by that time I could hardly walk. Because of my health history I have a very high tolerance for pain. I have been through a lot physically, but this was something I had never experienced in my entire life. I asked the doctor if he thought it could be a kidney stone, but he said no and dismissed my concerns. He thought it was a muscle issue. He sent me home with a prescription for muscle relaxers and he gave me a steroid shot while I was in the office.

By the weekend I could not sit, lay, move, stand, or breathe without extreme pain so I messaged the doctor at the Urgent Care to tell him that it was getting worse and not better. He ordered a x-ray of my back. After going for the x-rays he called and said they found some mild arthritis and that he wanted me to start on oral steroids. He said he thought it was a flare up of sorts and if it was not better soon he wanted to send me to a spine specialist even though the pain was not in my spine. It was on the lower side of my back.

Once the call was over I immediately heard the enemy whisper, “what if this is your new norm?, what if you life is always like this?, what if it never gets better?, what if you have to live like this for the rest of your life?” It was like I had all those thoughts at once, but from different sources. I knew it was the enemy and I rejected those lies, but I was still frustrated and felt like I was not being heard by the doctor. I was also very confused because I could not understand how that level of pain could be from a non injury related situation. I could understand if I had of fallen down the side of a mountain, but I had no injury at all.

Saturday night/early Sunday morning I had to call Ronnie to come home from work and take me to the ER. By the time he got here I was having to clamp my teeth shut just so I would not scream out in pain. It was worse than natural childbirth. It was worse than the full hysterectomy I had many years ago. I cannot even describe the pain other than horrific.

We got to the ER and they were packed full so we had a bit of a wait. Once I got back to the room the doctor examined me and he seemed sure he thought it was a kidney stone. I had bacteria in my urine test, by blood count showed infection, and my physical pain showed pain in the area of my kidneys. They gave me a pain shot and it just took the edge off the pain. The doctor ordered a CT to look for the stones, but they could not find any so he decided it was just a muscle issue. He sent me home with very strong pain pills and pain patches.

I went home and tried to rest, but I was in so much pain I could not get comfortable. I made it through the day and later that night while in prayer the Lord began to bring back so many memories of things He has laid on my heart to teach over the last few years. Such as looking for the lessons to learn through difficult situations, holding on to Him no matter what we are facing, not letting our situations dictate who He is, walking by faith no matter what we are walking though, the importance of prayer, and so much more.

I was able to fully surrender the pain to God and I just asked Him to teach me anything that I needed to learn in this season. I am still processing and not sure everything that is in this lesson, but I do know that I woke up about 85% better than when I went to sleep.

For most of this past week my pain level had been at about an 8 out of 10 when I tried to sit, lay, breathe, or even move. When I stood up it would go to about a 100 it felt like! I went to the doctors office 2 times, and the ER once. The visits left more questions than answers, but praise the Lord I woke up so much better.

This entire situation is a reminder for me that He is God no matter what life throws at us. Nothing changes His character. Even in the valley of pain and despair we either accept Him as our God or not. He cannot be the God of our mountain top experiences and not our God in the valley because if we live life that way He is not really our God at all.

For me I am all in and there is no turning back. He is my God and I am here to do what He has called me to do. I refuse to be shaken. I refuse to allow the enemy to bring doubt about my Father. It doesn’t mean I don’t have trials, tribulations, difficult situations, or moments of weakness because I have all of the above, but He has brought me way to far to ever turn back now.

One day this week I was in tears calling out to God telling Him I was at the end of my ability to handle this situation and that in my strength I could not take the pain. In that moment I saw that I had been trying to do it on my own and that was never the plan. We were not created to do anything on our own. We were created with a need for our Creator.

I repented for not leaning on Him and trying to do anything on my own-for trying to be strong in my own strength. He is made strong in our weakness. Weakness is not a negative thing. It is a the most powerful thing because when we are weak He is strong. His strength is so much greater than ours. It is all about surrender in every area and every situation we face.

God has brought me to far for me to start doubting Him now.

I want to encourage you to call out to God. Whatever you are facing He is your strength. He loves you and if you are hearing any voices that are saying He doesn’t that is a lie from demons. Command them to be silent, to leave in the name of Jesus, and then run into the arms of your Father. Maybe some repentance is needed. I know it was for me, but He is a gentle and loving Father. Maybe some surrender is needed. It was for me! Whatever you have need of it is only found in God. He is the one and only answer. You will not find it in yourself and you certainly will not find it in the world. Our Creator has all we need.

So many times when we face situations the enemy whispers to us that God doesn’t care about us, our situation will never change, life will never get better, He doesn’t hear us, He can’t or won’t help us, He is not a good Father, and so on. We have to silence those lies in the name of Jesus and keep our eyes and hearts toward God.

It reminds me of when Peter stepped out on the water to walk toward Jesus. When he first stepped out of the boat and had his eyes on Jesus he began to walk on the water, but when he noticed the wind and waves Peter became scared and started to sink into the water. It wasn’t until he noticed his surroundings that he started to sink. As long as his eyes were on Jesus he was walking on water! I think it is the same in our lives. As long as we have our eyes on Him we may be surrounded by winds and waves, but they cannot sink us.

Matthew 14:29-31 He said, “Come!” So Peter got out of the boat, and walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw [the effects of] the wind, he was frightened, and he began to sink, and he cried out, “Lord, save me!” Immediately Jesus extended His hand and caught him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”

When I woke up on Tuesday and was feeling better I had an appointment with my family doctor as a follow up to my ER visit. By that time I was feeling so much better, but I still wanted to keep the appointment so I could get his opinion and I had also developed what felt like UTI symptoms. When I saw him he told me he thinks I passed a kidney stone the morning before my visit to him (I had got up to go potty in the middle of the night and then woke up feeling so much better) and that the CT just didn’t show it or the doctor who read it missed it. He found blood in my urine that was not there when I was at the hospital so that was more evidence that I had passed a stone. He also diagnosed me with a UTI and gave me medication to get started on.

For those of you who follow me or are friends with my on social media and saw my post about this whole situation thank you so much for your prayers!! God is so good and faithful! I praise Him for leading me through this and never leaving me. I am also thankful for the prayer warriors who are in my life and take the time out of their day to pray for me. It means more to me than I could ever express.

This was a very difficult week, but God is faithful. That is the truth of any situation we face. He is true to His Word and He is true to His character. When we are in the middle of a storm it can be hard to stand on that truth. That is why we have to make it our firm foundation so when they storms come we are already deeply rooted in Him and knowing His character.

Blessings,

Nichole Henson, Fullness of Joy Ministry

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