Written by Rick Thomas. I have no idea who he is, but this post was really good so I am sharing it!

1 – Do You Have to Ask?

If you have to ask whether a person is spiritually abusive, that may be your first sign. Think about Jesus here. Nobody asked that question about Him–nobody with any common sense, that is.

If you are sitting under a pastor and you have a general sense of uneasiness about him, you need to explore this–first (1) in your mind, (2) then with God, (3) your spouse, if you’re married, and (4) possibly a close confidant.

Please keep a tight net around your thoughts, at least in the beginning. If you are right, it will become apparent to all, but if you are not, you do not want to damage a person’s reputation or discourage others.

2 – Does He Delegate?

Abusive pastors are usually controllers. They like to micro-manage their organization and their people. There is one way to do things, and it is his way. You will not find a lot of biblical liberty that taps into the diversity in the body of Christ. Alternate opinions are not encouraged or celebrated.

3 – Does He Clone Leaders?

Along with his tight control over how the church operates, you will also sense the only ones who can do anything are those who are lock-stepping with him. Think Hitler here. Hitler believed in a superior way, and he granted promotion only to those who gave allegiance to him. You had to be trusted to carry out his policies, using his methods.

The spiritual abuser will “test” his candidates, usually with extra-biblical guidelines. His guidelines. The people promoted within his system will think and act similarly to him. They are pawns, who won’t buck the system. His system.

One of the interesting things you’ll find with his underlings is if you ask them a question they do not know the answers to, they will not be able to answer you. They will have to check with HQ before they can give you an answer. The Spirit of God and His Word are no longer leading the church. The leaders “keep in step” with another kind of spirit.

4 – Does He Clone a Culture?

Because of his heavy-handed control and his clone replication of leaders, you will begin to notice a lack of diversity in your local church. They will create their language, mannerisms, and customs that will like the leader.

When guests visit, they will notice how different it is from the rest of the body of Christ. Those inside the clone factory will take this as a compliment. Those outside the clone factory will think it is a cult. No sensible Christian should walk into any Christian church and believe it is a cult because of the unique language, mannerisms, or customs of the church.

Paul wrote to many churches, teaching them how to think and behave, and you see a consistent pattern throughout church history of local church body life. Within all the diversity within all the local churches, there is a similarity between all local churches around the world.

If your church is becoming something other than what anyone would typically expect from a New Testament local church–while making allowances for pneumatic (Spirit-led) diversity–there may be a danger. This problem will point back to tight-fisted control of the leader.

5 – How Do You Feel?

If you are not around your pastor, are you less guarded? Are you free to be you? I am not talking about the “fear of pastor syndrome” where insecure people are intimidated by authority figures or people who overly exalt their pastor, thinking he is larger than life.

One of the pastor’s greatest strengths is his ability to build up another person while humanizing himself. Do you feel edified and free to be the person God is calling you to be or are you more cautious about your words and actions when you are around him? Think Hitler again.

If I were around Hitler, I would guard my words and actions. If I were around Jesus, I would be relaxed and free to be myself. If I were not relaxed, He would lead me to that place (Psalm 23:1-6).

I know I can make a mistake around Jesus. I would be nervous about messing up around Hitler. The abusive pastor makes you more self-aware and self-conscious. You feel more constricted and less free, especially when around him.

6 – Are You Free to Speak?

Can you tell him what you are thinking? Let’s go back to Jesus again. Prayer is one of the most beautiful mediums you have as God’s child. You are encouraged to talk to Him. You can tell Him anything and never fear undesirable repercussions.

Not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock. – 1 Peter 5:3

Your pastor is the Lord’s under-shepherd. He is called to emulate the Savior as he provides an example for you to follow. You should be as free to talk to your pastor as you are free to speak to the Lord.

Do you feel like you can share your concerns with him, whatever they may be?

Do you believe he can be trusted?

Does your pastor steward your thoughts and concerns like Jesus would, always seeking your best?

Can you disagree with him?

Does he approach your differing opinions as a learner, not a defender of his position?

Is he willing to allow you to exercise your views as long as they are not contrary to the Bible?

Is he willing to change his mind because he sees the wisdom and value of your input?

7 – Is He Ignorant?

He must not be a recent convert, or he may become puffed up with conceit. – 1 Timothy 3:6

It is possible for a pastor to be a novice. He may not be a recent convert, but he could act like one. One of the patterns I have noticed in our church culture today is how the process for selecting pastors does not pay attention to the right details.

In many cases, the qualifications for a pastor is not 1 Timothy 3:1-7. It is more about (1) a person’s ambition to be in a ministry, (2) possibly his education, (3) his charisma and ability to lead and (4) the church is looking for a particular guy, but his character is not at the top of the list.

A genuine desire to be a pastor, along with an excellent pastoral education and a leadership gift does not make you a good leader. Hitler had two out of these three, a strong desire to be great and a pronounced leadership gift, though twisted. He was not an educated man, but he was street smart.

The qualifications Paul gave Timothy were mostly about a person’s character. Except for the gift of teaching, the criteria for a pastor is the same for any believer. They are Christlike character traits found in the heart of the person, which take a lot of time to discern.

There have been too many instances where men have been given the reins of a local church, even though they were deficient in character. Premature promotion is a disaster for the church people, the pastor, his family, and God’s fame.

It is easier not to put a person in ministry than to put him in ministry and have to remove him later. The fallout can be disastrous and generational.

8 – Is He Humble?

Has he created an environment for personal growth and relationship building? Servant leaders develop environments of grace where those they serve can grow and mature into the unique Christlike people that God called them to be. The humility of the leader accomplishes this, not his pride.

A humble man or woman will want to hear about areas of weakness because he’s never about himself. The humble pastor welcomes grace-motivated, grace-concerned individuals who are seeking his best for God’s glory. That kind of pastor is an active learner because he is willing to change, grow, and mature. He’s a good under-shepherd.

Rick Thomas

If you find that you are in an abusive situation get out, seek help, and heal.

Blessings,

Nichole Henson

Fullness of Joy Ministry